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What in the world is going on? The web is a place peopled by many strange individuals with their varied interests ... some of which are amusing, disturbing, intriguing.

So I've selected a few and will be adding any I come across which I think are worth a larf, sneer or pensive moment

rubbish from emails and the web ...
 

1. If you're too open minded, your brains will fall out.
2. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity. 
3. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
4. A closed mouth gathers no feet.
5. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
6. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
7. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
8. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
9. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.
10. Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused. 

Dilbert's Words of Wisdom (I particularly like 6,7 & 10!)

1. I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow's not looking good either.
2. I love deadlines. I especially love the swooshing sound they make as they go flying by.
3. Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.
4. Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.
5. Needing someone is like needing a parachute: if he isn't there the first time you need him, chances are you won't be needing him again.
6. I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
7. My reality check bounced.
8. On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.
9. I don't suffer from stress - I'm a carrier...
10. Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.

From a very circular email about alternate word meanings and compound spellings ...

1. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
2. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
3. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent
4. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
5. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie.
6. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
7. Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavored mouthwash.
8. Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.
9. Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
12. Semantics (n.), pranks conducted by young men studying for the priesthood, including such things as gluing the pages of the priest's prayer book together just before vespers.
13. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.
14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.
15. Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts.
16. Frisbatarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.

• Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the reader who doesn't get it.(my favourite)
• Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
• Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very high.
• Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of obtaining sex.
• Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously.
• Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease.
• Glibido: All talk and no action.
• Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
• Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a refund from the Taxation Office, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
• Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole

George Dubbulyuh Bush. Say no more!

 "The vast majority of our imports come from outside the country."

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."

"Republicans understand the importance of  bondage between a mother and child."

"Welcome to Mrs. Bush, and my fellow astronauts." 

"Mars is essentially in the same orbit...Mars is somewhat the same distance from the Sun, which is very important.  We have seen pictures where there are canals, we believe, and water. If there is water, that means there is oxygen. If oxygen, that means we can breathe."

"The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history. I mean in this century's history. But we all lived in this century. I didn't live in this century."

"I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy - but that could change."

"One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor,  and that one word is 'to be prepared'."

"Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things." 

 "I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in the future."

"The future will be better tomorrow." 

"We're going to have the best educated American people in the world." 

"People that are really very weird can get into sensitive positions and have a tremendous impact on history."

"I stand by all the misstatements that I've made."

"We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a part of NATO. We have a firm commitment to Europe. We are a part of Europe."

"Public speaking is very easy."

"I am not part of the problem. I am a Republican" 

"A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls."

"When I have been asked who caused the riots and the killing in LA, my answer has been direct & simple: Who is to blame for the riots? The rioters are to blame.Who is to blame for the killings? The killers are to blame. 

"Illegitimacy is something we should talk about in terms of not having it."

"We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur." 

"For NASA, space is still a high priority." 

"Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children."

"The American people would not want to know of any misquotes that George Bush may or may not make."

"We're all capable of mistakes, but I do not care to enlighten you on the mistakes we may or may not have made."

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment.  It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."

"[It's] time for the human race to enter the solar system."